12.22.2006

A girl can dream...

When it comes to buying a house, I am very pessimistic. My husband regularly hears me utter, "We are never going to buy a house." Too which he responds, "Yes we will." I know, it is a riveting conversation.

But like, houses are like expensive and stuff. I mean, I'm all like, I have bills and like rent that is all, like, really expensive and stuff. And it like, makes it like, really hard to like, buy, like, a really great investment and all when like, I have to pay for all this other stuff like, every month. I'm all like, what the hell!

And the process itelf of buying a house is terrifying. When I hear people talk about all the steps and paperwrok involved, I actually turn into that 15 year-old-girl quoted above.

"Wait, your escrow closed? Oh know, when will it open again?"

You see what I mean.

One of the things I have discussed with Grant is the possibilty of us having to aim low. I am talking low. We live in the Bay Area for God's sake and we are not planning on going anywhere. So I am saying if we want to stay here, our first house is going to have be purchased in a city that no self-respecting Bay Arean would choose to live unless forced. Grant wants to live in Palo Alto. As far as I am concerned that is never going to happen unless he puts "East" in front of that city.

I realize the following conversation may cause a stir. Please note, it was Grant that made the comment:

Heather: Maybe someday when Madison and Ella are old enough, they will ask, "Mom, why haven't we seen Uncle Grant and Auntie Heather and our cousins in a long time?" And then Brittaney will say, "Well, because Uncle Grant is a rock star and he is on tour again."
Grant: Yeah right. No, I think it will go more like this:

Hypothetical Babies: Mom, why haven't we seen Uncle Grant and Auntie Heather and our cousins in a long time?
Hypotheitical Brittaney: Well, because they live in Hayward now...and we don't go there.

He is finally coming around.

12.21.2006

Just like they always say...

All that glitters...is probably covered in glitter.

Happy Holidays!

12.20.2006

Oh Well....

Germs don't listen to Haikus.

I am sick. Yeah!

12.19.2006

The Art of Denial

No, I am not sick
And a sore throat, I have not
Airborne is my friend

12.12.2006

My weekend...

...was the second best weekend of my life. Second only to the weekend I got married.

This past weekend I got to meet my twin nieces who are back together again and home after 24 hrs of labor and a few days apart so Baby A, (aka Danny, aka Madison) could get some extra love and attention in the Kaiser Morse NICU.

I am so proud of my best friends. I think Ryan has fallen in love again; you can watch every time he looks at his girls. And I am in awe of Brittaney and the way she is handling all the stress of being a new mom.

One of my favorite parts of the weekend was getting to watch Uncle Grant change a diaper, for the first time. You would think that with 5 nephews already, they opportunity would have presented itself, but strangely enough this is not the case. And I have to say, he did an excellent job. First time ever on a 4-day-old baby girl is no easy task.

However, my most favorite part was being in the same room as all the amazing people I am so lucky to be friends with. I think the babies agree that they were just born into a pretty awesome family.

I love you Ella and Madison.



11.26.2006

Thanksgiving

This past August, my family lost my sweet Great "Granny Bah" after a well-lived life of 96 years. When it came time to talk about the holidays, my sister and I came to an agreement that we wanted to go back to what we used to do and go to Grandma's house for Thanksgiving. Now, I said it was my great-grandmother who passed away and at 25 years old, I still have all four of my grandparents in my life. I don't know many people at my age who can say that. So when Bah died, I think my sister and I did not want to take that for granted.

I had several "Wonder Years" moments as we sat around the table that night at dinner...well, The Wonder Years but without the voice of Fred Savage as my internal dialogue. Although the "kids" were still at the "kids table" no one was under the age of 22. And at dinner, our juice was replaced with wine and our morning chocolate milk with coffee. And we talked about things like buying new cars, school, graduation, careers and the future that at 7 year olds, we thought would never come.

At one point Jessie and I were standing outside watching the turkey go into the deep fryer (oh how the times have changed) and she said to me, "Did their yard get smaller?" and I looked around at the same backyard and said, "No. We just got bigger."

But just like the movies, as I looked out into the yard, I could see four little figures all playing on the lawn together, just like we used to. And I am still not sure if what I was seeing was my past, or my future; either way it made me smile.

11.22.2006

Game plan

I am not entirly sure what the game plan for tomorrow is. I think it will start with turkey and then probably end with turkey....or the food sweats.

I see regret in my future.

11.12.2006

Too Much Vino.

You know you are getting old when after a night of maybe one too many glasses of wine you wake up the next morning hung over...in your legs. Ugh.

10.30.2006

Best of Shelloween 2006

Another Shelloween party has come and gone and I think it is safe to say the best one yet. Sure, there has only been two. Whatever. Here are some of the highlights:

1. Joel winning the award for best boyfriend at the party for willingly dressing up as someone he didn't even know existed just because Tina told him to and it would make her look cute.
2. They were no oats, but they were the "Cadillac of Dates"
3. A pregnant Catholic school girl? And a priest to boot! Dirty birds!
4. Lil' Smokeis. The most delicious of the trashiest of foods.
5. The return of Pumpkin Beer.
6. Tina, bartender extraordinaire.
7. No cat fights...even though Kyyyyydra was in attendance. (Can I get a what what LB fans!)
8. Farewell Typewriter in the play list.
9. The always entertaining Drunk Josh!
10. Giant Bananas!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks you all who came! See you next year!

10.27.2006

A must read.

If you are not already aware, this is a great website created by my dear friend Tina. She is so funny and a wonderful writer, not to mention a growing expert of all things fashionable and fabulous.

I would listen to anything this girl has to say. She is definitely the anti-roach. And if you want to know what "roach" means get to reading!

10.26.2006

The Raffle Queen

Apparently, I am very skilled at the art of winning a raffle. Over the past year I have won nearly every raffle I have entered myself in. In no particular order, here are the items I have won from 10/31/05 to present.

1. A Baby Stroller (I think it's presence freaks Grant out more than he would like to admit, but I'm keeping it!)
2. A Gingerbread House...that I made!
3. I gift basket from Bath and Body Works.
4. A $50 gift certificate to Massimo's in Fremont.
5. A 5-inch screen T.V. Cute...but I gave it away.
6. A rolling cooler.

After yesterday's win of the rolling cooler, I figured I was on to something so I bought a lotto ticket. Well, since I am still at work today and not posting this from a beach in Italy with a bottle of wine in one hand and the villa that I just purchased in the other, it is safe to assume that I didn't win.

I guess I should stick to where my real gift is...raffles. I do have my name in a $500 shopping spree at Safeway, or I guess I should say, in November I am going to win a $500 shopping spree at Safeway.

I like being an expert at something that takes no still whatsoever and people just keep giving you things.

10.24.2006

Conversations with Jessie

Yesterday before aerobics, I walked into my parents house and Jessie asked me what my blood type is. She is reading up on something called the "Blood Type Diet" where you are supposed to eat for your blood type. My sister is type O. According to this diet, she has the "original blood type," the blood of the cavemen. Apparently this means that she should be eating...well...like a caveman. More meat, less carbs. To her this makes sense because she, quote, "lost weight on Atkins but was a fat vegan." It may also explain why she craves beef...and smoked turkey legs.

Anyway, as she is explaining all this to me, she starts referring to it, not as the "Blood Type Diet" but rather, "The Caveman Diet" and hilariousness ensued:

We were walking to the car, on our way to aerobics. Aerobics!!!

Heather: There is candy in the front seat.
Jessie: Candy? I think candy is part of the caveman diet.
Heather: Right. (as Jessie opens a Reese's) Can I have a bite?
Jessie: Oh, cavemen don't share. (she dives into the bag for a 100 Grand)
Jessie: I think I will try this one...I like being a caveman.

FYI: The drive from my parents to aerobics class is about 2 blocks and it takes about 18 seconds to get there. She has already had two snack size candy bars. Now on to number three:

Jessie: Oh Heath Bar...just as they ate in prehistoric days.
Heather: Jessie! Are you eating another one!?!?
Jessie: Leave me be! I am a caveman!

10.11.2006

So bring me some figgy pudding....

Actually don't, because that sounds gross.

However, the early onset of the Holiday season is anything but. This is the start of my favorite time of year and I say bring it on! So what if Halloween is still 3 weeks away. So what if it is just another way for retailers to start rolling in the Chirstmas cha-ching. I say embrace it. I don't have to buy anything to enjoy Christmas and no one has to buy me anything either for that matter. I am perfectly content with simply soaking in the fun of all the red and green. My one request is that for at least 31 days, my house smells like a Christmas tree when I walk downstairs in the morning.

With that said I say have a great October 11th, and Merry Chirstmas!

10.02.2006

I found heaven.

Or, I went to the Ferry Building in San Francisco for the first time. I have one question after the experience:

Why did I not know about this sooner and why can't I live there?

As many of you may know, my husband is a very lucky man. I say this because I am what is known of as a "foodie." I have also been lovingly referred to as a "food hound." The ferry building, if you will, is the mother ship calling me home. All the shops are devoted to fancy food and wine. And in my book, who really needs anything else.

At one point I asked Grant, "Is it weird that I have a college degree in Child Development and I want to quit my job and work in this market?" To which he replied, "No. Look at how giddy you are."

Well, if you had seen tables of organic heirloom tomatoes and wheels of cheese the size of, well, wheels, you would have been giddy too! Giddy as a school girl...a big fat, full-of-organic-bakery-goods-and-gelato school girl.

9.21.2006

Conversations with Jessie

Let me just set the scene for you.

My sister, my mom and I are taking an areobics class and yes I realize that it is 2006 and not 1984. Anyway, compared to the relaxing semester of yoga we finished in May, this is pretty intense.

So, we are in the middle of these incredibly painful crunches that involve our legs being straight up in the air and reaching up, oppisite hand to foot, back and forth, back and forth. My body is on fire, I am sweating like pig, and I feel like I have the endurace of someone in their 70's. I glance over at Jessie with a look which is trying to convey, "Help me. I am going to die." My sister responds to my non-verbal cry for help with this:

Jessie: I feel like mexican food right now.
Me:(panting) What?!?!
Jessie: I don't know. Right now I just really feel like some chicken tacos.

9.04.2006

A pearl of wisdom

I have recently come to the conclusion that I am not the only person on the planet who cannot wear the only jeans that are ever on sale at the Gap.

The reality is the only jeans that are ever on sale at the Gap are the ultra-low-rise-my-ass-is-showing kind and most of the population cannot look good in them anyway and that my friends, is why there are racks and racks of them.

It is not just me, but everyone rather.

At least that is what I am going to keep telling myself after I try those damn things on and put them right back on the "go-back" table every single time I go in that store.

8.31.2006

Promotion

I just accepted a new position at work. I am often asked this question or something similar: "So, how is the new job going?"

What I actually say: Great! I am really excited.
What I want to say: Right, my promotion. Well I feel like everything is spiraling out of control into the fiery pits of hell. And my brand new office with a door that shuts makes it much more tempting to crawl under my desk and hide from the new responsibility that has been given to me. But, it is good. You know, that "I-feel-like-putting-my-head-in-an-oven," kind of good.

8.21.2006

Ahh...the fair.


Yes, I do love it so. With all it's wonderful smells of fried treats, corn dogs, farm animals and carnies, it is the one thing that makes my summer feel complete. And you know what is even better? I think the schizophrenic lights of the high quality carnival rides and the beckoning call of the chamois man wearing the Britany Spears mic, blinds you of the fact that you should feel really guilty about ingesting a lifetimes worth of saturated fat into your body at one sitting.

The next day you feel like death...but it is so worth it.

8.14.2006

Babies abound!

As many of you know, my best friend is expecting twin girls and the anticpation of their arrival is exciting and overwhelming.

Now, many may think that this news has given me what is commonly reffered to as "baby fever." This is entirly untrue.

Ok, fine. So the sight of Brittaney's ever-expanding belly makes me ache to the core of my being. But I don't think that means anything.

I mean, so what if I am just doing some regular old shopping for some regular old "I am not pregnant nor am I a mom yet" things I just happen to wander into the baby departments at The Gap, Target, or Gymboree for example. Is there really anything wrong with that?

And you know what, I Tivo TLC's "A Baby Story" daily for educational purposes only.

See, isn't it obvious that this is not something I am looking for right now. I have baby fever! Ridiculous.

7.29.2006

Parenting Lessons in Target.

While checking out some sale shoes at my friendly, local Target store, the woman next to me recieved a phone call. She is on to something:

"Hello. Hi babe....again? Why does he keep doing that.....yeah.....you know we should just like wrap a plastic bag around him or something at night.....uh huh....yeah just for the night time and then put the underwear like over the plastic. Ok. Well, I will home soon. Bye.

A plastic bag! That is a great idea. I mean who needs diapers when there are choking hazards to use.

7.08.2006

What can happen when you let Ryan play with the white gas.



Ok, not really. This was one of the many attractions that Brittaney, Ryan, Grant and I visited while camping in Mammoth. What is actually occuring here is that there are unusual amounts of CO2 in the air which kills off the trees. Because of this, you will find comforting signs like the one seen below scattered about the area:



Now, of course all of Mammoth did not look like that and most if it was incredibly beautiful:



What was not so beautiful is how I look when I am camping. Although I do have pictures of that as well, I will leave that image up to your imagination.

6.19.2006

A Haiku for the Mai Tai

Big jug of Mai Tais
The last one was a mistake
Ibuprofen saves

6.08.2006

It finally happened.

I have avoided it for so long. It was something I feared would happen but hoped that maybe, just maybe, I would be spared.

Not so.

Today I was referred to as...Heather Snellen.

6.05.2006

His intentions were good...

...but alas he failed.

"He" was the the man behind me in line at the grocery store. His items: 6 Lean Cuisine microwave dinners...a box of Cheez-Its and 2 pints of Raspberry Chocolate Hagen-Das ice cream.

It's called baby steps people.

4.30.2006

And she's back!

Back by popular demand....Conversations with Jessie.

Scene: A girl from Jessie's school is coming over to work on a project with her:

Jessie: This girl is seriously the most beautiful girl you will ever see. So pretty in fact, that I had to do my makeup again.
Heather: Really? Well based on the way I look right now, I am glad that I am leaving.
Jessie: Seriously. The prettiest girl ever.
Mom: Well, I think that Heather and Jessie are the prettiest girls ever.
Jessie:(slight pause to consider) Yeah, no. After you see this girl, you will change your mind.

I never got to see her, but hotter than a Mother's love? Wow.

2.26.2006

Overheard conversations #1

Scene: Stoneridge mall, Macy's employee talking to a customer in line:

"Oh my gosh, my ex-boyfriend went into a pet store one time and there was this parrot there, and it called him a buttface."

Awesome.

2.23.2006

Rockin' the Downward Dog

I have started taking yoga with my mom and sis. It's awesome. Love it. I was very nervous about this class because, let's face it I am about as flexible as well...a 2x4. However, on the first dayof class my instuctor said something that really put my mind at ease.

Yoga is not a competitive sport.

So true. Even still, I have never been able to bend and touch my toes, which can be a little embarrasing when others in the class can basically fold in half 5 times. But tonight she said something that I now will use as my mantra for yoga class: "Yoga will never hurt you, but your ego will."

So take that ego! I will grab those toes some day!

2.15.2006

Oh Honey! It's our first (fill in the blank)!

The first year of marriage is full of "firsts." First Thanksgiving. First Chirstmas. First Valentine's day. First married birthday. And next month, our first March 21st. Exciting, I know.

But what is more exciting to me regarding these firsts is that I remember some of the real firsts that Grant and I had together. I remember the actual first Valentine's Day we had. He gave me a cheesy card with some lame joke on it and in the "to" line he wrote Heather Locklear, crossed it out and wrote Andersen. I still have it.

Then for my first birthday together I walked into the band room (that's right people, the band room) with a huge bunch of balloons and a flowers from my friends and Grant asked me, "Who are those for?" To which I replied, "They are mine...for my birthday today." Really great impression to make, forget your crush's birthday. So what did he do? He went out into the field and picked me a bouquet of tiny daisy's. I still have those as well.

I still can't beleive that I have known Grant for half my life. As fast as it all has gone by, when I really think about it, it has been a really long time. I was 12 years old when I met him in math class. 12! Just a baby. When I think back on that class, I never would have believed that my husband was sitting behind me. Then again, maybe I would have, because I think I have always known.

2.02.2006

My least favs....

1. Applesauce: I enjoy a raw apple now and again; cook the thing and mash it up...appaling.
2. The Wind: I just wish it would stop being so...so windy.
3. Raisins in cookies: Well raisins in general really. However, raisins in cookies (or "land mines" as I refer to them) are unacceptable.
4. The grade "B+" or an 89%: To me, this grade is worse than a "C." If I got a "C" it is because I did not try to do any better. But 89% means all I needed to give was an extra 1%! Come on!
5. "EVOO": Would you just say "Extra Virgin Olive Oil" already!?!?

Everything else I am pretty cool with.

1.15.2006

Snow Shoeing



I am just going to come right out and say it. I look hot. I mean those glasses? Can you dig it?

1.08.2006

Why?!?!

Why is it that when you have a swollen taste bud, which is practically invisble to the naked eye, it feels like there is a piano sitting on my tounge?

What is up with that anyway?