Conversations with Jessie

(In an effort to not give too much of my Halloween costume away, this conversation ensued because for the costume, I thought I might need to borrow some of my sister's clothes...specifically a dress of some kind.)

Heather: Can I try on your bridesmaid dress from my wedding? Maybe that will work.
Jessie: Yeah, sure.
Heather: You know, I loved these dresses so much. I always wished I could have had one of my own. I never tried one on until now.
Jessie: And I even got to try your wedding dress on.
Heather: Ha ha.
Jessie: No seriously, I did...I was never going to tell you though.
Heather: Shut up!
Jessie: You know, I decided it was not a flattering cut on me.
Heather: Oh my God! So, what did you do when you...when did you...why did you put my dress on?
Jessie: Hmmm, let me think. Because I was alone in a house with a wedding dress...and I am a woman.

The $100 store.

The $100 store, or the "$50 store" as I try to call it more often so as not to drive us horribly into debt is commonly known to most people as Target. I don't know what it is about that store but when you enter the doors, you are sucked into some kind of alternate reality that convinces you that it doesn't really matter what your original need was when you enter Target because regardless, you will be leaving with either $50 or $100 worth in goods.

Take the other day for example. Grant and I went to Target to purchase the following items:

1. Foil
2. Deodorant
3. Spray-n-Wash

My best estimate: Total cost of the items will be about $13.

Here is what we left Target with (including but not limited too):

1. Halloween socks for my nieces
2. 3 CDs
3. A wicker pumpkin
4. Halloween themed tablecloths
5. A giant, decorative, ceiling spider
6. An "I love Jim Halpert" (from The Office) magnetic notepad for the fridge.
7. Chip clips
8. A houndstooth headband
9. Toilet Paper
10. Foil
11. Deodorant
12. Spray-n-Wash

As you can see, all very necessary purchases. Since I now have come to terms with the fact that it is simply impossible to walk into Target, go directly to the foil aisle, as the case my be, ignore the temptation of the shoes, clothes, decorative candles and clearance end caps, I have decided to embrace it. Since I can typically determine within the first 2 minutes if it is going to be a $50 day or a $100 dollar day, I make every effort to come in just below that number. And the grand total of all our purchases the other day, ridiculous Halloween decor included...$99.45.

Just barely though. As we were about to go check out and we were walking past the shoe section, Grant said, "You know honey, I saw some really cute shoes over there that I thought you might....you know, why do I even suggest these things to you?"

It is a disease, I tell you.

Justice is Served

The other day, my 2-year-old nephew was stung by a bee. We are all well aware of the fact that a bee gets what it deserves when it stings you because it dies shortly after you are stung. (Is that really true...seriously? Or is that something said to make little kids stop crying? And learn about a little thing I like to call revenge?) Anyway, of course he was fine, just a little shook up.

But for me apparently, death to the little buzzer was not enough. Today on my run...I PUNCHED A BEE! Seriously, reminiscent of a Dane Cook routine, "I punched that bee in the FACE," rendering him unconscious and unable to fly.

Take that bee! That will teach you and your friends to mess with my boy!