Open wide.

At a recent trip to the dentist, I was thrilled to find out that all 5 of my oldest fillings would need to be replaced making me realize that parents should never give their children a hard time about the cavities they have to pay for since, apparently, you have to pay for them all over again.

I think it is pretty fair to say that no matter what you are getting done, the dentist is an overall unpleasant experience but I have decided that nothing is more demeaning than someone else flossing your teeth for you. On our recent trip to Oregon, I was reminded of the full-service only gas stations law in that state and Grant was having a very difficult time with it. As we would pull into a gas station he was utter things like, "What, do they think we are stupid?" and "Seriously, this is ridiculous" or "Um, hi, I can pump my own gas."

That is what I felt like as the hygienist was flossing me. I am not a child. When he was done he asked me, "Do you floss your teeth like that at home." To which my bloody gums responded, "Yes" because you and I both know you lie to your dentist about the frequency of your flossing habits. I said yes but what I felt like saying was, "No! No I do not floss my teeth like that! What the hell were you were trying to do? Saw my jaw in half!"

Then for the polish. What the hell is that? Did a bunch of dentists sit around a table and say to one another, "How can we make this experience more uncomfortable? I've got it, mix sand in the toothpaste!"

At the end of my appointment the hygienist handed me a wet-nap. I took the wet-nap and thought to myself, "Why that is odd, I do not recall eating any barbecued ribs at this appointment." In fact, the last time I checked, your hands are not usually involved in any type of dental work. I had no idea what to do with it, so I started to wipe my hands, then thought it must be for my face, but who puts a wipe on their face?

Honestly, the best part about the dentist is rescheduling knowing that you will not need to come back for another 6 months. I was robbed of that satisfaction as well as I will be back for two appointments to fix the wear and tear. Lucky me.

Converations with Jessie

Ode to Oregon

Mom, Dad, I don't think you know the full extent of this story so now might be a good time to close your eyes. Sorry for telling on you Jess:

The following are tips for how not to get caught by your parents if you are planning on taking a secret road trip: 1. Do not take pictures of funny road signs along the way. 2. Do not ask your mom to get the pictures developed for you but not to look at them.

Jessie: I drove to Oregon once. Remember that?
Heather: Oh yeah. Wait...I thought you only drove to Redding?
Jessie: Well Mom saw the pictures of the road signs we took along the way and we ran out of film in Redding so....
Heather: You are an idiot! You actually created your own evidence.
Jessie: Yeah. True story.
Heather: What did you even do in Oregon?
Jessie: We drove across the border into Ashland, ate a Subway sandwich and then drove home.
Heather: That's awesome.

Mom and Dad, you can open your eyes now.

Portland, Or

Grant and I took a little adventure this Presidents' day three-day to the great city of Portland, Oregon. The whole trip, in a way, started with a joke. Grant happened to notice that Ben Kweller, who I adore, was going to be playing in San Francisco on Monday, February 19th. I do enjoy a good show in the city but I am not as young as I used to be and Monday night? I would have to be to work early the next day, the show would be over late, etc...

"You know, he is playing in Portland on Saturday the 17th. We could go then."

Next thing we knew, we had a hotel room booked in another state, so we could go see a show on a Saturday because Monday night was just going to be too late. Perfect solution, drive a total of 20 hours there and back. That is not exhausting at all.

Regardless of what you think of our logic, it was a great time spent with my husband and stepping outside of my comfort zone and doing something totally spur of the moment and in many ways, ridiculous.

As I watched Ben Kweller rock the freaking house down, I thought to myself, "Are we crazy for doing this?" Maybe we were but maybe someday, when our kids say to me "Mom, tell me a story from when you were a kid," like I remember doing so many times, I will be able to say that one time me and their Daddy took a crazy road trip all the way to Oregon just to see a concert and really just because we could. We spent too much money and we ate too much dessert, but it was one of the best times we ever had together.

Best show on TV

I am really not normally a fan of action. I am not a violent person or one who enjoys watching that kind of thing. But there is something about 24 that I cannot get enough of. Maybe it is because the complete unrealistic plot lines make it almost believable. Maybe it is because Jack Bauer is a bad ass and can kill a man with his teeth. Or maybe it is because despite the seriousness of the subject matter, Grant and I always seem to have conversations like this one:

Scene: A nuclear bomb is found in an apartment building by none other than Jack Bauer and it will detonate without his steady hand and quick wit. He enlists the help of the very smart, yet very odd, Chloe at CTU to help disable it. He only has 3 minutes.

Grant: I love watching bomb dismantling scenes.
Heather: Why? Because they are so ridiculous?
Grant: Yeah. What, does she know how to dismantle every bomb? And it is always so ridiculous. 'OK, what you need to do is cut the 2nd and 3rd wire. That will open a box. In that box will be a picture of Johnny Carson. You need to trace around his face. But do not, I repeat do not touch his nose. Do you copy?
Heather: Yes, I copy. The box is open. Oh God! It is a picture of Jay Leno. Repeat! We have a picture of Jay Leno in the box!
Grant: Dammit! I must be looking at an old schematic!

Maybe you had to be there. Either way, nothing says good times and laughter like some explosions and a few Johnny Carson jokes!

I love my friends.

With the birth if my nieces, I knew that a lot of things about my life and the activities that I share with my friends would change. Things have changed and for that I am very, very thankful. I am so in love with those girls. But the truth is, we just can't do some of the same things we used to do. I mean, you just can't take babies to rock and roll shows.

Well....

See, the show was at a pizza parlor, not a bar. And it was their Uncle Joel's band so we thought we should all show up and surprise him. And surprise him we did and it was awesome.

Now just calm down because we were sitting all the way in the very back of the restaurant. Honestly, it just sounded like a loud radio was playing. And you know what, they better get used to it. Two of their uncles are rock stars for God's sake. The point is the babies were fine and it just goes to show that even though the day of their birth was a day that our lives changed forever, it was also a day that our lives changed for the better and no matter what we will still find ways to support each other and spend time with one another.

It was the babies idea anyway.

Conversations with Jessie

I came over to my parents house for dinner and upon my arrival my sister told me that we were going to the store. Reluctantly, I agreed to going. Agreed, only if she was willing to change. She was wearing a shirt with a hoodie...cute enough. However, coupled with a pair of dirty gray sweats, bright purple muppet-ish slippers, no makeup and who knows what was going on with her hair, for once, I actually looked better than her.

Heather: I don't want to go to the store.
Jessie: Yes you do.
Heather: I am not going to the store with you looking like that.
Jessie: What? Don't worry. I'll put on a bra.

My crazy mind.

Recently, Brittaney posted a dream she had that left her readers entertained, shocked and admittedly, slightly disturbed. It is worth a read.

Typically, I am of the belief that the only person who really cares about a dream is the person who actually dreamed it. Dreams only make sense while you are in the dream. When you start to explain it out loud you start saying things like this: "We were at the mall, except it wasn't the mall." Or, "I was at your house, but it wasn't your house but I knew it was your house, but you weren't there, but there was this other lady there, and like, she was you...blah, blah, blah."

The only person I really subject to hearing about my dreams to is my husband. He never remembers his dreams but in the morning I always ask him if he had any good dreams that night. This morning was no different. He then asked me if I had any. I did. Brittaney has inspired me to share, despite how I feel about sharing dreams with other. However, this one is kinda funny and I have a few readers who I think will find it entertaining:

I was at a restaurant giving a presentation for work and in the next room, John Vanderslice was performing. After my presentation I walked over to talk to him. When I went into the room, John was hiding in a loaf of bread. I said, "What are you doing." He poked his head out and said, "I'm hiding." The I told him that I wanted to go to his show on Wednesday at the Independent. That's all.

Grant said, "How was he hiding in a loaf of bread?"

"I don't know, like this."

"That's awesome."