May 25th

This episode in my life that most refer to as the "real world" is now less than a year away and I am not ready. I remember my first year of college, the most common word of advice that was ever shared with me was "Don't worry; you have plenty of time to decide what you want to do." Well, guess what, I don't anymore. This keeps me from falling asleep at night. A few weeks ago, one of my former professors asked me "So, you graduate in the spring? And then what?" My answer: "Um, I don't know." Oh my god! I don't know. I always thought I did but then someone asked me and I realized I have no idea what the hell I am doing after the 24th of May.

So you are thinking: "But you have your whole life ahead of you!" Yeah, and this scares the hell out of me! School has kept me safe from the "real world" so to speak for almost my entire life and in just a few short months, it will be over. I regret all the times I acted like I knew exactly how my life was going to be after college because the truth is I have no clue. I don't know if I even want to be a teacher anymore. And this shocks me every time I think about it. But at the same time, I feel like it is something I should do because there are people in my life that might be disappointed if I don't. I know that you shouldn't live your life only trying to please the people in it, but for as long as I can remember I have been telling my friends and family “I want to teach.” And here it is, almost my last semester of senior year and all of a sudden…just kidding…I don’t think I want to teach anymore.

I think that deep down I know everything will work out. But right now, life just seems, for lack of a better word, scary. So I have two choices:

Stop thinking about my future and blindly jump into a career and hope for the best OR, embrace the fact that I have an entire world at my finger tips and look forward to all the change I am potentially capable of. Seems like an easy choice…well, easier said than done.